12 Ways to Live More Authentically and Why It’s Important

 

By Dana P. Rowe, PCC, CPCC, CPQC

We are constantly being told we need to be different in some way. We’re bombarded by the minute with the next sure-fire solution that’s guaranteed to make us happier, better looking, more successful, more intelligent, more fulfilled, and the hands-down coolest kid on the block. And while it’s important to continuously strive for growth in our lives, it’s also crucial that we don’t lose sight of who we are in the process!

It’s no wonder that we have so many people walking around feeling like imposters or frauds. They’ve spent their entire lives trying to be somebody they’re not, and in the end, it’s led to a lot of pain and unhappiness.

The good news is that it’s never too late to be more authentic. Here are a few tips to help facilitate authenticity in your relationships:

01: Redefine “Honesty” for yourself and cultivate it at all costs. Honesty is the foundation of authenticity, so start by being truthful with yourself about your feelings, desires, and needs. Then share that information honestly with the people in your life who matter the most. This will create a level of trust and transparency that is essential for healthy relationships.

02: Learn to observe yourself and notice when you feel and behave authentically vs. inauthentically. If you notice that you’re being disingenuous with yourself or others, stop and take a moment to think about why this is the case, whether it’s because your mother told you not to be selfish when you were growing up or because of any number of other reasons. Then work on changing these patterns by replacing them with more authentic ones.

03: Re-evaluate the messages you received as a child. Most likely, if you have had trouble being yourself in relationships, it’s because of some fear inside you. And this is most often rooted in a feeling of unworthiness or insecurity that might stem from childhood messages or traumas. The key here is to be compassionate and forgiving towards yourself and accept these messages as something that happened in the past. If this work risks bringing up trauma or triggers, it is best done with a therapist, a coach, or a trusted friend.

04: Create healthy boundaries and stick to them. It’s essential to create healthy boundaries in your relationships. This will help you feel more comfortable about being yourself, and it also sets the tone for authenticity. If someone crosses your boundaries, be sure to communicate that clearly and assertively.

05: Make friends with your quirks and flaws and learn to view them as gifts. We all have quirks and flaws. It’s just part of being human. Instead of resenting or regretting your perceived imperfections or weaknesses, start celebrating them for what they are: unique expressions of yourself that make you the unique and marvelous person you are!

06: Be open and curious about yourself and others. One of the best ways to be authentic is to be curious about yourself and others. Ask questions, listen intently, and learn to see people for who they really are. This will help you connect with them in a more profound way and allow for more authenticity in the relationship.

 

 

07: Get back in touch with your values and live by them. Beliefs can be wrong, but values rarely point us in the wrong direction. Our values guide us and give our lives meaning, so it’s essential to get back in touch with these as much as possible. If you’re feeling stuck or unsure about how to move forward, ask yourself which of your core values is being challenged/tested right now? Then do whatever feels necessary to align yourself with these values again.

08: Risk showing your vulnerable side. This could mean sharing something personal with someone you just met or going against the grain and doing something that feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar. The key is to not be afraid of vulnerability because this same quality allows for authentic connections with others.

09: Let go of limiting beliefs and negative self-talk. Learning to have a healthy curiosity about the stories we tell ourselves is one of the most critical steps in cultivating authenticity. If we’re always telling ourselves that we’re not good enough or that we can’t do something, then it’s going to be very difficult to express our authentic selves. So start by becoming aware of your limiting beliefs and negative self-talk, and then work on replacing them with more supportive and empowering ways of thinking.

 

 

10: Get in touch with your inner compass. You might call that inner guidance God, your conscience, intuition, or simply your “gut feeling.” However you refer to it, this is the voice inside you that always points you in the right direction. Learn to trust this voice implicitly and follow its guidance. It’s an excellent skill to encourage in yourself, and it will help you stay true to yourself no matter what life throws your way.

11: Make telling the truth a habit. I know it sounds simple, but it’s actually a compelling way to cultivate authenticity. It can be as simple as saying “I don’t know” instead of making something up or telling someone you disagree with them without attacking their character. Let honesty become your default setting.

12: Create and maintain healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries help us feel safe and secure in our relationships, and they also create an environment where authenticity can flourish. So do what it takes to develop and maintain healthy boundaries with yourself and others on a physical, emotional/mental, spiritual, social, or work level. Know when your space is being invaded, and don’t be afraid to communicate this clearly in an assertive way.

 

 

Remember, it takes time to establish a new healthy habit. Authenticity is a process, not an event. It’s something that you have to work on every day to become natural and effortless. But the good news is with practice and persistence, you can eventually reach a place where being authentic is your default state of being. I promise you’ll be glad to have made the change.

If you’re looking for more posts like this one, be sure to check out the rest of my blog posts for Creative Artists and Entrepreneurs here.